Dove Chocolate

Recently I bought a bag of Dove chocolates. It was part of a “if I just have three pieces of dark chocolate throughout the day, I won’t eat as much junk food!” theory. The theory remains unproven, but I did eat a lot of chocolate.

From what I can tell, the Dove company specializes in three areas: soap, chocolate, and female self-esteem. Naturally the fine people at Dove believe these things to be interrelated. For example, if you eat chocolate you will gain weight/have low self-esteem and need a shower. Simple logic, really.

One great thing about eating a bunch of Dove chocolate is reading all of the self-affirming messages they print inside the wrapper. I wonder whose idea this was. I am guessing the creative meeting went something like this:

Boss: All right, we know our target audience is overweight women, right?

Employee: Yes.

Boss: How can we get these overweight women to eat more of our delicious product?

Employee: We could start a rumor that if you eat three pieces a day it will curb your cravings for junk food and you'll lose weight!

Boss: Wonderful. That covers the stupid-overweight women market. What about the sad-overweight women market?

Employee: What if we trick them into feeling like the chocolate is their friend?

Boss: Go on …

Employee: We’ll put little messages in each wrapper, like someone is saying nice things to them. Then they will feel less alone while they gorge on chocolate.

Boss: Brilliant! And will the messages also encourage them to eat more chocolate?

Employee: Of course.

Boss: Genius!

Cut to me, eating chocolate by myself. I open up the red wrapper, thinking “I probably shouldn’t be eating this” and there it is. My little friend with a thoughtful message:

It’s okay to be fabulous AND flawed.

Oh! Well, thank you Dove Chocolate! You know, it’s true that I’m pretty fabulous. I don’t snack on candy all of the time, just most of the time! So I’m a little flawed! Big whoop. Am I right, Dove Chocolate? Ha ha, yeah. I know. Man, you are great. I probably shouldn’t eat another piece, but hey. Fabulous and flawed, that’s me! Oh look, another message:

Happiness looks great on you.

Aw, so nice of you to notice, Dove Chocolate. I have been feeling good, lately. I think this eating-chocolate-curbs-cravings diet is really starting to work! And you’re right; I’m so happy! Something about this surge of sugar to my blood stream makes me feel great. Why stop a good thing? I’ll have one more.

Don’t settle for a little spark; light the fire instead.

Dammit, you’re right. Why settle for a little chocolate when I could go make a cake and eat it myself? That’s a normal thing to do, right? Right, Dove Chocolate? Oh, thank you. You’re so smart. We’re best friends. I love you.

And scene.

(By the way, those are actual messages from actual chocolates that I actually ate.)