"In the middle of the night" (sung like Billy Joel)

Like most parents, I like to brag about my kids. It's pretty easy because they are amazing. And even though I don't want to bore you with story after story of their impressive and adorable feats, I do want to share one incredible attribute of my five-month-old son: He is clairvoyant. 

Clairvoyant, you say? What a fancy word! Yes, I know. It was recently the word of the week for my seventh graders.

My son is definitely clairvoyant because, after I put him to bed each night, he wakes up the moment I go to bed. It doesn't matter if it's been one, two, or four hours. He just knows. The second my head hits the pillow, he starts up. Waa waa waah. Come in here mommy. Feeeeeeeeed meeeeeeeeee.

It is astounding.

Needless to say, I love my baby. When I hear his little voice, crying, something inside me snaps into action and I cannot rest. I am completely consumed by his every sound. I just wish there was a way, some way, for me to let his little baby brain know, how much I really, really want him to shut his yapper and go back to sleep.

Alas, there is no way to effectively communicate this to him, so my husband and I end up going into his room again and again and again all night long. It's super not-great. It has taught me some valuable lessons about marriage, however. For example, the following should be a rule among parents of babies who don't sleep at night: Anything that happens between parents of a screaming baby from midnight and 6 am must never be spoken of again.


For example: If, per say, in the middle of the night, I turned to my husband and said "Why don't you just hand me the baby and shut the hell up?" then I should be forgiven for that indiscretion come daylight. Or if my husband were to call me "insane" and then throw a pacifier across the room, the slate would be wiped clean the next day. [Just for example.]

Granted, to follow this advice is not always easy. You might find yourself tempted to bring up the whole "why did you slam the door in my face when I asked if I could grab a Kleenex from the bathroom?" thing. Trust me, it's not worth it. All must be forgiven. It was late, you were tired, and you have a clairvoyant baby. You have to move on.