This post is rated PG-13

Full disclosure: this post is going to make me sound like a pervert. You're just going to have to trust me and read it anyway. And if after you're done you still think I'm a total perv, well, I don't know what to say. You read the blog of a pervert; which doesn't say a lot about you.

So. As I was saying.

One day, when I was a freshman in college, I was in the shower. It was the dorm shower, shared with all of the girls [women? young ladies?] on my half of the floor. When I was done cleansing, I reached out to grab my towel and caught an unfortunate glance at the girl in the opposite shower stall who had not quite closed her curtain all the way. Just a millisecond glance, no big deal, happens all the time in these situations (right? please say right). However, in that millisecond, I saw something that caught me quite off guard. Very off-guard, really. The girl in question had no nipples.

I know, it sounds crazy. That's what I was thinking as I stood in my shower, water off, debating in my head if it is humanly possible for a person to have breasts, but no mammary papillae (I looked it up). Papillaeless-boobs.

My mom officially just shut her laptop.

I'm not trying to be crass, but you have to admit this is fascinating.  My head was full of questions. I mean, who was this girl? Would it be rude to ask "Hey, why no nipples over there?" Is she technically considered a mammal if she is missing her ducts? I felt a sense of urgency because clearly this person was aware I was done with my shower and just loitering, which is creepy, but at the same time I needed to know if what I had seen was real. Because, if it was, I was ready to launch a full investigation into the matter. I could strike up casual conversations with people, like "Hey, how about this whole having-nipples thing? Crazy, right?" and just watch for their reaction. But there were a lot of girls on my floor, and that's is a lot of effort for something hypothetical. So I made a tough decision. I decided to look again.

This is obviously where the story makes me sound like a pervert. But hopefully you understand that this was strictly for scientific research. For all I knew this girl was some sort of alien living among us, biding its time before launching an attack to annihilate the human race. So, basically I was defending our species. So, basically you're welcome.

As I stepped out of the shower, I made a very classy and non-creepy glimpse in the direction of her shower stall, then made a quick exit. Well, let me just say I am glad I did. Because, as it turns out, what I thought I saw was actually not what I saw. What I really saw was something else altogether. Allow me to explain.

You know when you shower, and you're washing your hair, and you're standing facing the water like this?

(I drew her with clothes on out of respect).

Well, imagine what it would look like if only part of you were visible past your shower curtain. It might look something like this.

And then someone, who is not at all a pervert, might mistake your elbows for a freakish anatomical anomaly.  So, just be aware of that.