Dinah Blow Your Nose

Illness has fallen upon my home in classic back-to-school style. Each night I wake up to my son coughing and sleep-crying because he can’t breathe through his nose, which so sad and deeply, deeply irritating.

When do kids learn to properly blow their noses? WHEN?!! It is so frustrating to hear the snot just sloshing around up there and not be able to get it out. I try to help him, but it's not clicking, and I don't think it helps a child's development to hear his mom yelling "You're doing it wrong!" at one in the morning. Do you?

I don’t know if it’s the sleep deprivation or what, but I’ve decided to dedicate this entire post to the fine art of blowing one’s nose. It’s going to be gross. If you were eating a sandwich while reading this, you should probably stop. (Eating. Not reading.)

 Ahem.

Nose-blowing is the best and the worst. It’s the best when you are blowing your own nose, obviously, and you feel like “Ha-ha! Get out of my life, disgusting mucous!” And it’s the worst when anyone else is blowing their nose anywhere near you ever.

As a teacher, I see a lot of up-close nose-blowing. During cold and flu season, there is a long line of congested pre-teens at my desk, just waiting to get their germy hands on the box of tissues and go to snot-town.

In fact, I have heard so much nose-blowing in my career that I’ve decided to sort them into different categories.

I am a very busy person.

TYPES OF NOSE BLOWS 

 

1. The gushing faucet: 

This is the most productive kind of nose-blow because it is the grossest. Kids go through multiple tissues during a thick-faucet blow. I often think that perhaps they should’ve kept that mess home.

2. The drippy faucet: 

A frustrating experience, this is when the nose is running and yet blowing it proves little to no help. No matter how much the person blows, the nose continues to drip. The only solution is to shove tissue up there and be done with it, but who has the guts to go through with that?

3. The “I just have one booger I want to get out but I am too polite/embarrassed to pick my nose.”:

This one is typically a long process. There's a lot of blowing and blowing and blowing until you just want to say: “Let it go, man! You’re either going to have to go in their yourself, or let nature take its course!”

4. The Pointless “What are you doing, go back to your seat”: 

This is when kids blow pure, uninterrupted air into the tissue and then throw it away. They are either confused or needed a reason to get up so they can pass a note to their friend.

5. The Trumpet: 

Usually reserved for old men, this is the noisiest blow. It always startles the class, but never the blower, who seems oblivious to the fact that it’s totally hilarious.

6. The Red Monster: 

The surprise bloody nose. Always exciting.


Feel free to bookmark this page for your reference! I am going to go take a nap.