Happy Birthday to ME.

You guys, I was born on this day thirty-three years ago. It's a big deal. 

When I was little, all I wanted for my birthday was a party at Showbiz (the poor man's Chuck-E-Cheese). Of course, this dream never came true because two separate Showbizzes (sp?) closed right before my birthday in two different years. That seems pretty fishy in retrospect, doesn't it? Mom? Care to weigh in on this mysterious coincidence?

Both times I ended up celebrating at McDonald's instead, where the big game was to see how many Styrofoam containers a person could stack before they fell over. That is to say, we stacked trash.

I'm being totally serious right now.

And now that I've officially gained your sympathy for failed birthdays past, I think I can ask you for one very special birthday wish. Here it is: will you email me a terrible birthday story? I'm going to compile some sad-sack anecdotes because I think it would be funny. Laugh through the pain, right? Here are some ideas:

1. Failed birthday parties
2. Failed birthday gifts
3. Bad birthday luck

I know you've got at least one . . . so send them to thelazystandup@gmail.com. Come on. For my birthday?

Help please.

Sometimes I forget I have a blog.

I'm serious. I get caught up in other, less-important activities like laundry, grocery shopping, and eating, and suddenly I think "oh crap! I started a blog six months ago!" and then I try to think of something really funny to write about.

Which brings me to now. Does anyone have anything funny they'd like me to write about? What about the way I keep ending sentence in prepositions? Anything on that there?

I think it would be super-awesome-amazing-cool if everyone posted a general topic in the comments section of something I could potentially write about. I mean it. Giraffes, chicken pox, Beyoncé . . . you name it! Because I am looking for inspiration. And -- you inspire me.

http://youtu.be/c9ZMDPf9hZw

In the meantime, I'm gonna saddle-up on the 'ol comedy high horse and act like a television reviewer. What did you think of the Saturday Night Live premiere? My future best friend Tina Fey was wonderful, as always, and overall I enjoyed the episode. Here are some highlights and lowlights:

1. Highlight: Keenan Thompson yelling at the new cast members in the game-show sketch "New Cast Member or Member of Arcade Fire?" Great delivery. Also, that sketch had a strong ending: rare.

2. Highlight: Drunk Uncle.

I usually get sick of characters who are on Weekend Update all the time, but for some reason Drunk Uncle makes me laugh every time. 

3. Highlight: The taxodermy sketch. I mean it was clearly stupid, but in a way I appreciated.

4. Lowlight: The ex-porn star sketch. I'm over it; anyone else? I think Vanessa Bayer and Cecily Strong are funny, but it's too similar every time. And it's long. Why so long??

So yes. Overall good. Next week is host/musical guess Miley Cyrus . . . I am just hoping she performs that song "Wrecking Ball" and licks a sledge hammer a bunch of times. You?

And of course I would weigh-in on the much-discussed series finale of Breaking Bad, but the thing is I only watched the first season like five years ago so I'm a little behind. Don't tell me what happens though. I'm assuming Walt changes his ways and goes back to teaching and ends up winning Teacher of the Year and writing inspiring children's books. That seems like where it was heading.



Comment with some topic ideas, please!  Right down there.

Exciting Self-Promotion!

Remember when I created a Twitter account (@thelazystandup) and invited you to follow me?

Well, I just wanted to say thank-you to the three people who did. Thanks, three people. I appreciate it.

You know, I'm thinking Twitter may not be the way to go. I'm assuming the lack of interest was due to most of you not being on Twitter, instead of the alternative theory: that you don't like me.

But I know where a lot of you are: Facebook. You can't stay away from Facebook, can you? Well, now you can follow the blog there, simply by "liking" THIS PAGE! <-- Click that, Mom.

You have to "like-like" it. Not just like it.

(Like, as in, click the LIKE button.)

Then you will get updates about the blog on your news feed! And maybe some funny status updates if I ever think of any! Doesn't that sound great? I know!

See you in the land Mark Zuckerberg built!

Grammar Can Be Fun

Writing this blog, I do my best to use proper grammar. I try not to end sentences in prepositions, or split the infinitive, or mess up the use of "lay" and "lie." This is a labor of love, because I like being correct, I like being clear, and I like being better than other people.

That last sentence was meant as a joke, but I realize that by being conscientious of grammar I run the risk of becoming a very annoying person. Because it is universally-known that people who correct other people's grammar are a pain in the ass.

The way I see it, only three groups of people should be allowed to correct your grammar:

1. Your parents
2. Your teachers
3. Anyone whom you've asked to look over something you've written (was that supposed to be "who"? I am freaking out right now.)

Hopefully the people on this list will do a good job because, after that, you are on your own. [You'll notice I did not include "spouses" on the list. That is because when you correct another person's grammar you become instantly unattractive to that person. Fact.]

So anyway, when my lovely friend Kat introduced me to this [now retired] blog, and I encountered this post, I felt like I'd encountered a kindred spirit. You should check it out. 

Heredity

My six-month-old son does not enjoy being left alone. He gets upset if you are not constantly looking at him, praising him, and enjoying him in general. I don't mind telling you, it gets tiresome. I was kind of annoyed until I realized: of course he is like that.

With that said, I really appreciate you reading this blog.

The beginning of the beginning

Here we are. I am writing a blog; you are reading it. Why? I don't know. I think it is because we are both bored.

Then again, maybe "bored" is not the right word. In fact, there are many other things I should be doing right now. One of which would be "my job." So maybe we're not bored, maybe we're just avoiding things. What are you avoiding? Laundry? An expense report? Your children? Don't worry. I get it. You're safe here.

Here's the deal: I used to write and perform stand-up. I liked it. Now I have a two kids and a job and I find it difficult to stay up past 10 pm, much less go to a comedy club and hope to get on stage. So instead I am going to write what I would normally write for stand-up on this blog. To really enjoy it, you should picture me like this:

That is basically what I am going for.

I also plan to write about stand-up and other comedy-related topics. Just because.

Here we go.