Mother Nature, You Are Hilarious

I took the Google Earth Day quiz yesterday and learned that I am a "Cuttlefish." Cuttlefish, by the way, look like this:

Actually that is a baby cuttlefish. But this is not what I wish to write about today.

Here is what I wish to write about: when I googled "cuttlefish" (well-played, Google, for getting me to do that with your quiz) I came across THIS LINK. I started watching and learning about my many similarities to the cuttlefish, and then I was like "wait, is this video for real?" because the guy narrating it was so bizarre.

And then I kept watching and I slowly realized that the video was real in that it taught me real facts about cuttlefish, but it was also a joke because this man is hilarious.

Long story short, there is a series of videos on YouTube called "True Facts About _________" by ZeFrank1, and they are the funniest things I have seen in a long time. I've watching almost all of them in a very short amount of time. I've learned so much about different animals.

So, if you like learning about animals, but also making fun of them behind their backs, you will love these videos. 

10 Things That Only People Who Saw A Mouse While Eating Their Cereal This Morning Will Understand

1. That mouse was just straight-up in your house.

2. That mouse seriously just walked across your floor like it owned the place.

3. That mouse did not even look scared when you screamed, so it will attack you if threatened.

4. That mouse probably crawled over your face last night when you were sleeping.

5. That mouse is definitely pregnant.

6. That mouse's poop is probably all over your house, and you will never find it all, so you may as well just move right now.

7. No one will ever buy your mouse-poop-ridden house.

8. You will never buy your children Rice Crispies again because that crap dries on the floor like some sort of supersonic superglue which is definitely why this godforsaken mouse is in your stupid disgusting house.

9. You will sleep at your mom's house tonight and forever.

10. You will murder that mouse . . . that is, you will make your husband murder that mouse.

Horror Weds Hilarity and a Beautiful Child Is Born

Halloween is just around the corner.

Generally speaking, I like Halloween. I like seeing little kids in costumes, walking around with no idea how hilariously adorable they look. Is there anything better than a two-year-old walking around, holding his parent's hand, dressed up as Batman? Is there?

There is not.

But when it comes to scary things, like being scared, and scaring other people -- I am a strong "no thank you."

Some people love being scary, and feeling scared, and the sound of their hearts beating to the rhythm of the pee seeping into their pants -- but not me. I loathe being scared. I get angry when people try to scare me. If you pop out at me and yell "Gotcha!"--  my first instinct will be to never speak to you again. (My second instinct is to cry.)

The only way for me to tolerate something scary is if it is mixed with my favorite thing: comedy. Comedy and horror are wonderful together. For example, the "Scream" movies with Neve Campbell -- those were pretty good. Because even though I was scared, I was laughing as much as I was urinating. Sometimes I wasn't sure if the urine was induced by the fear or the laughter, and that's a great sign.

Another hilarious scary movie was "Cabin in the Woods" in 2012. That movie was incredibly funny, but also a little scary, and in the end, I -- the scardiest-scaredy-cat in all of Scaresville -- was fine. Success.

And now, I am very excited to announce that I have found a book that, despite being in many ways a horror story, was the funniest book I've read in a long time. I loved it.

That is a picture of the amazing book to which I refer.

It is also a picture of my sock!

All Animals Versus All Humans is a delightful mix of grisly death and hilarious satire. (Yes, such a mix exists!) I really liked it. I laughed a lot when I read it. It was very dark, and weird, and smart. Just like me -- minus the dark part. And the smart part.

Anyway, go buy this book on Amazon, and prepare to be horrified -- in a good way.

Link here.

Emotional Comedy

After yesterday's "radio silence," I've decided never to confess anything to you guys ever again. I've also decided not to draw things beyond my artistic ability ever again (I realized later that when most people drink they keep their bottom lip outside the glass -- oops). But, guilt trips aside, what's up?

Nothing much?

Cool.

A student told me to look up this link on YouTube last week. I was hesitant, because I've been burned my student-YouTube recommendations before. (How many times can one watch a horse get hit by a race car, really?) But this was actually worth it.

You should know in advance that this clip will play with your emotions, and not in a nice, gentle way. Be strong and I'll see you on the other side.


Link for those on mobile devices.

Did you watch it? Are you okay? I think it's pretty funny. Don't be mad.