Flipping through my least-favorite parenting magazine (I dislike all parenting magazines), I came across this article: "One Week to Less Worry" by Delilah from the radio. Do you know Delilah? I am pretty surprised that I do. So if I do, you must. We know all the same things, right?
So it's settled that we all already know Delilah is a nationally-syndicated DJ on a late-night call-in radio show; but did you know she has 13 kids as well? 13 kids!
The intro to this article says "As the busy mom of 13 kids . . . " Busy, you say? Hmm. I guess.
Anyway I found this article and I decided to read it. Because I wanted to prove to myself that this article was going to be dumb. Results below:
HOW TO WORRY LESS
1. Don't Sweat the Small Stuff
Define "small stuff." My children are small, should I worry about them? Also, if I already feel the topic is "small" meaning insignificant-- then my guess is I'm not worrying about it. So this is a dumb saying.
2. Take a Time Out
Of course. The next time I am feeling stressed and worried about my son swimming too close to the deep end or my baby's struggling to swallow that chunk of avocado, I will just excuse myself to the bedroom and have a little me-time.
3. Rise (Early) and Shine
Yep! That's it! I need less sleep, not more. I need to be more tired so I forget about all this pesky worry. You are a genius, Delilah!
4. Lift the Burdens
Please direct me to the instructional manual on "How to Lift Burdens."
5. Create Family Fun
Are you saying I'm not fun???????????? Screw you, Delilah. I am a one-woman show of fun.
6. Be Prepared
That's great advice, except that trying to be prepared for everything is kind of like worrying.
7. Secure Your Information
And this is the point of the article when I realized it was a PAID ADVERTISEMENT FOR PRIVATIZING YOUR CREDIT INFORMATION. All that sassy self-talk was wasted while Delilah laughed her way to the bank.
It turns out I am dumb.
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