Locker Room Business

I don't mean to show off (how many of my posts start like that?) but I've been hitting the gym pretty regularly lately. It's not really my thing, but I have to do something. The way I eat if I don't workout I might literally explode.

So anyway, I've been spending a fair amount of time at the gym, which means a fair amount of time in the gym locker room, and if you think I'm going to write about the nudity I see in there, well then you are RIGHT.

Growing up I was a competitive swimmer, so I have changed in public many, many times.  Public modesty, for me, is a science. I could change in and out of a one-piece, skintight unitard without exposing even a shade of aureola, believe-you-me. I'm obsessive about it, which doesn't make a lot of sense since I'm fairly certain no one is checking me out. I just don't want people to see my business, and I don't want to their business, okay?

Which brings me to my point: Why are some people SO naked? I mean, like, just super-naked like that?

The other day I saw this 50-something woman just chatting up her friend, totally buck naked. And her friend was sitting down, and she was really close to her, which resulted in some weird eye-level stuff. And the naked one was just like "Yeah so these are my breasts and this is my business and how was your day?" and I pretty much could not get over that.

I get dressed in the weird private booth that they provide for people with strict religious regulations, and I love it. I love it because I don't have to go all the weird maneuvers to stay covered, like holding my towel in my teeth while I put on my bra. It's much easier on my teeth, is what I'm saying.

So the question here is, how do people get to be so naked-comfy? How were they raised? Did their parents walk around naked all the time when they were growing up? Is that normal? My children have literally never seen me naked, and therefore they do think I have a penis. (They also think my boobs are my "tummy" and therefore I'm perpetually-pregnant, but I digress.) This may not be the best method, but at this point it would be pretty weird to be like "Hey kids, I just wanted to show you my naked body so you can see I don't have a penis" . . . so what's done is done I guess.

I should be clear that I don't begrudge these ladies their impressive self-esteem. I envy it, really. Just to walk around like "WHAT" and air-dry like Cuba Gooding Jr in Jerry McGuire? It sounds liberating.

But until I reach that point (never) I guess I will just be the mom with the penis.

Have a nice weekend.