What to Wear?

Fact: I am not a "trendsetter" when it comes to fashion. I am not even a trend-follower. I am a trend-confuser. That means I am confused by trends and how to follow them.

I am thankful that I went to high school in the 90's and got to wear Doc Martin shoes and men's plaid-flannel shirts every day and be cool. I mean, who doesn't look good in a baggy flannel with straight hair parted straight down the middle? Or better yet, who does? It was an excellent way to even the playing field. Boys didn't know what any of us looked like under that shapeless, depressed clothing. It was heaven.

Photo from HERE.

When the new millennium hit and fashion went back to being gender-specific, I decided I had a "quirky" style and "didn't care what people thought of me" because I was a "theater major" and hung out with "cool" theater kids. I wore weird shirts from the Goodwill, and yellow snow boots, and a long black skirt, and ... Sorry, I was just overcome with embarrassment and regret. Excuse me.

My point is, I was able to avoid the world of fashion for most of my life. So it was a little jarring when everyone around me started to look polished and pretty and wore clothes that fit them. Suddenly, my green polo shirt with the name "JoAnn" embroidered on it didn't seem so cool. And then I started watching "What Not to Wear," and it got real. Really real.

Did anyone see the movie "Crazy Stupid Love"? I did. I know some people hated it; I loved it, but that is not the point. My point is there is a scene where Ryan Gosling is trying to help Steve Carrell be hip and he takes him shopping, and he tells him to "be better than The Gap." That was kind of an eye-opener for me because, up until that point, I was not aware that The Gap wasn't high-end. To me, shopping at The Gap had been for special occasions when Target wouldn't do.

Needless to say my fashion sense is still very much a work in progress. I often wander around stores, looking at things, not able to decide if they are good or bad. "Is this something adults wear?" I ask myself. Is this the right cut for my shape? What is my shape? I am a human-shape. Where is the section for human-shaped clothing?

Sometimes I pick up something I like and then realize I'm in the junior's department. Then I find something else and it turns out I'm in the maternity department. Or then I find something else and it turns out to be an accessory for a doll or a pet. It's very traumatic.

Here's the bright side: fashion is cyclical, right? So one day the baggy flannels will be back, and I will break out my Birkensocks and my burlap poncho and be cool again. Or maybe for the first time. Or maybe not at all.

Time will tell.