Blasphemers

Check out my awesome new cup!

I got this last weekend when we went to see "The Little Mermaid" at the local dinner theater. It is awesome; I have been very hydrated all week.

The cup is awesome, no doubt, but the play I had some issues with. And since I am basically like a professional reviewer of the fine arts (I wrote about a TV show once) I am going to share with you my concerns regarding this production of the Disney classic.

Before I begin, let me say that I am probably the last person who should ever review a show based on "The Little Mermaid" because I am something of a expert.

And let me also say that I am an expert because I once watched the movie sixteen times in one day.

When I was nine.

Which totally justifies it.

Anyway, as with many things, you can blame this movie-binge on my mother because she wouldn't let me buy the movie when it came out on video. I could only get the 24 hour rental. So obviously I had to watch it as many times as I could within those 24 hours because I love mermaids so much.

Eventually it aired on TV and I was able to tape it -- which was a relief.

I was such a Little Mermaid freak in the early 90's that when my sister's 8th-grade class was doing the musical for their spring concert, I actually wrote them a script to use from memory. That's a fact. File it under "True Facts" because that's what it is.

What I'm saying is that I know the story of the Little Mermaid better than your average adult [who is not institutionalized], so I don't like when people change the story and make it weird, which is what they did in the stage production I saw this weekend. For example:

1. Flounder was officially in love with Ariel. They added all these lines about how he had this unrequited love for her, and it was uncomfortable for many reasons, not the least of which is that he is 1/6 her size.

2. All the humans in the play dressed like they were in India, so when I thought I was going to see Ariel in this:

. . . she was in something like this:

Which makes NO SENSE.

3. Sebastian had a Steve-Urkel catchphrase. It wasn't "Did I do that?" but it was in a voice exactly like that. I was not into it.

4. There was all this stuff about how Ursula and Triton were brother and sister, and how Ursula killed all of her other siblings but forgot about Triton, and how Ursula killed Ariel's mom, and it was a bit much. Get to the "Oh that blowfish blow!" already. 

5. And finally, Prince Eric had blonde, curly hair. Which is ABSURD.

In conclusion, the actors were talented and the theater was nice, but I give this musical two thumbs DOWN for messing with what should not be messed.

Also, maybe I should see a therapist?