Teacher of the Year

(My eyes and lips are not nearly this full and beautiful in real life.)

I have spent the last week and a half reading short stories written by twelve and thirteen-year-olds. I have been bombarded with insane tales of superheroes, and magic horses, and middle school basketball teams who are inexplicably playing at the national level. I have even read a story about a beloved pet falcon that is stricken with Ebola.

No matter what the students write about, it is my job to give thoughtful, constructive feedback. Feedback that inspires them to do better. Feedback that motivates them to keep improving. Because that's what I do; I change lives.

But I gotta say . . . sometimes such feedback is difficult. I'm sorry, but it's true. I love my students and I appreciate their insane, hormone-ridden brains, but sometimes I wish I could just let loose and tell it like it is. Just to make myself feel better.

Of course, this is not an option. I understand that. But just for fun, I am going to write some feedback here that is not supportive or encouraging. It's not even realistic. I just want to write it because I really, really want to. None of the following messages are based on any particular student. It's just the kind of thing that I sometimes want to say to some students some of the time.


Ahem.




Billy,
Wow! This is a real piece of garbage! Let me guess, you wrote it on the bus on the way to school. I can tell because you misspelled 65 words including "corn." Maybe next time read what's on the screen as you're typing -- it helps:)


That felt amazing. I am going to do it again:



Sharon,
When you came up with the idea for this story, were you tripping on mushrooms? I have to say, it seemed like you were tripping on mushrooms. Anyway, you must have access to some sort of hallucinogenics because I cannot follow this story. The unicorn had to fall through the jungle floom to save the kid's pet hamster? What hamster? You never mentioned a hamster!




It's like the stress of the last week is melting off with each cruel critique. I am going to keep going if you guys don't mind.




Ally,
I don't usually say this, but your story is easily the worst story I've ever read -- and I've read Chace's story. Chace doesn't even put spaces between his words, but at least he didn't bore me to death.



Last one.



Devon,
You know what I love about this story? I love that it's all written in one, long paragraph. I like that because when I open the document, my eyes are like "Whoa that is a dense piece of writing!" and then I get to sit there and try to make sense of your run-on sentences for 30 minutes. I love that. Thank you.


So anyway, if you guys want to send me anything to read or edit, feel free. I am a really kindhearted and gentle soul.